Emotionally Exhausted
I'm emotionally exhausted. I've forgotten how utterly draining casework can be. There is so much to be done and I'm not sure where to start. I have an entire legal size page full, front to back of things I need to do and accomplish. I start training on Monday for 2 weeks. 2 weeks more, I'm not going to be working with my clients to facilitate change. It frustrates me.
Due to confidentiality I can't go into my 12 cases here. Lets just say that there are issues, lots and lots of issues. I'm dealing with 12 pre-teen and teenage girls. Some have babies, some don't. Some have fathers, some don't. Some have mothers some don't. Some are wards of the State, some aren't. The things they have in common are abuse, neglect, poverty, instability, gangs, drugs and poor choices in friends. Those are the things that got them where they are.
I spent the first day on the job going over, case by case, each of the girl's history. Thick files of their physical and psychological health, education, home life and criminal records. I'm so out of touch. I didn't grow up like these girls did. I can't relate. My father never beat or raped me. My mother never had a new boyfriend every week. I never had friends that encouraged me to steal cars and do drugs. I didn't have brothers or sisters that spent most of their lives locked up. I feel so out of touch with these girls. How can I be the force or change when I haven't lived their lives?
I'm afraid this is task is going to be like nailing jello to a tree, but not that much fun. BUT, and you knew there was a but, but, this is what I want to do. This is what I NEED to do. This is what I feel I've been called to do. I want to be a force of change in their lives. I can do this, if it doesn't kill me first. I CAN do this.
Due to confidentiality I can't go into my 12 cases here. Lets just say that there are issues, lots and lots of issues. I'm dealing with 12 pre-teen and teenage girls. Some have babies, some don't. Some have fathers, some don't. Some have mothers some don't. Some are wards of the State, some aren't. The things they have in common are abuse, neglect, poverty, instability, gangs, drugs and poor choices in friends. Those are the things that got them where they are.
I spent the first day on the job going over, case by case, each of the girl's history. Thick files of their physical and psychological health, education, home life and criminal records. I'm so out of touch. I didn't grow up like these girls did. I can't relate. My father never beat or raped me. My mother never had a new boyfriend every week. I never had friends that encouraged me to steal cars and do drugs. I didn't have brothers or sisters that spent most of their lives locked up. I feel so out of touch with these girls. How can I be the force or change when I haven't lived their lives?
I'm afraid this is task is going to be like nailing jello to a tree, but not that much fun. BUT, and you knew there was a but, but, this is what I want to do. This is what I NEED to do. This is what I feel I've been called to do. I want to be a force of change in their lives. I can do this, if it doesn't kill me first. I CAN do this.
posted by Kristin at 7:23 PM
9 Comments:
You can show them another path, Kristin, but you cannot change them. They have to see another side and want that other side. You're that "other side."
I have no doubt you can inspire those around you through your own experiences. Good luck!
You may not have lived lives like theirs, that doesn't mean you can't empathize... because you've experienced depression and hardships of your own, maybe not to the degree they have. You also have an indomitable will, an upbeat personality and you can be their greatest cheerleader. You are a take charge kind of gal, the kind of person people can count on to be there when they need you, a listening ear and a pep talk.
If this is where you feel you've been called, just give it a little time and remember to separate a small part of yourself emotionally. That only comes with time and practice.
Just don't expect to be the force of change for every one of them. If you reach one in your career you will be doing well. I had that attitude while I taught inner-city high school, boy was I in for a lesson or two.
Of COURSE you can do it!!! And I *do* feel you are called to do this, Kristin. Hang in there, babe.
Nanner-Wise words. I need to write that somewhere so I can remind myself.
Jeanette-You are officially hired as MY personal cheerleader. When can you start?
B-I knew you would understand. You've taught the girls I'm talking about.
April-Hanging........and still hanging......
You're taking the right approach, and I couldn't agree more with the women who have commented already. You can't force to change, just show them the way. If they choose not to go the path you show, it's their choice, their free will, and no one can make the decisions for them.
It's big of you and inspiring to put yourself in a place to be a form of assistance for those who need it so desperately.
Prayers are with ya.
Sam-Thanks, I need all the prayers I can get.
Fortunately, we're given all we need in order to help people in God's Word! It's all there, sufficient for every need!
I pray God blesses you and others who are called to work with kids like this who need your help. There needs to be more folks like you in this world....those kids need all the help they can get.
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